Will I Ever Feel Another Man’s Body Next To Me At Night?

Hard to say.

I texted a man I’d been fooling around with off and on for four years just now. And he replied that he was getting involved with a woman. [Lucky woman.] And that he did not want to see me any more just now. I must say that this is not all that unexpected.

Saddens me. But….   one must man-up.

I’ve been yearning to feel another body next me the, up close to me, against me, rubbing on me…..

I want to have a man I care about close to me and against me and — when the emotions are congruent  — shooting on me or, even better, in me.

JSK 19 May 2020 

People That Drive Me Up The Wall

Proposed List of Horrible People (descending order):

Prayer circle fascists that insist we stand around in a circle and HOLD HANDS while praying. Yes, this includes families at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter — and, I suppose for the socialists, Labor Day, or even (gasp) May Day.

Hug fascists who insist that everyone has to engage in a full body-contact hug when meeting rather than a hand-shake (yeah — virus, my behind). For me the alternative is full on intercourse.

Dessert fascists and bullies that insist you eat dessert. Well, here’s my knife and a bottle of lidocaine so start carving away on that extra fat on ME and YOU.

Food fascists and health fascists in general that keep telling you how to eat healthy. HAVE YOU SEEN MY NUMBERS, YOU? I’ll laboratory number you into the ground [for the most part] on any given day. My liver (at the time of my ruptured stomach) was, “The most supple, smooth, non-diseased liver I’ve ever seen.” (R. S. Brown, MD — my surgeon) [True — You can’t make this stuff up.]

And let’s not forget:

Exercise fascists who always bring the conversation (read: monologue) around to their “routine”. There’s always an ab-day, never a mind-day. BORES and BOORS. And always make sure to ask you what your “routine” is. Answer: 12 oz weights and repeated walks to the supply box over a ten hour period. Rinse and repeat.

Meditations on Matt and Sam

Meditations on Matt and Sam and Needing Physical Interaction and Contact as an Older Gay Man

MATT

Why does he keep calling me with physically impossible, or at least highly improbable, sexual interactions?

He messages me great fantasies. He gets me hard. As he continually says in his fantasies that I do.

Flattering. For sure.

There is no way I can do that thing he wants to do (and who does not wish to do) in the recliner chair (the chair does not work and is basically inaccessible without a lot of work). There is no way that I can be with him in the shower — however much fun it was back in 2014 or 2015 (I still feel him up against me and in me and pounding into me and up into me); I’m afraid he’ll knock me down. He would not do it deliberately — he’s a very, very kind man — he’s just too much taller and unthinkingly rougher than I am or can withstand. I know that makes me sound and look like a pussy. So be it. I’m not a pussy — but so be it.

And then there is the issue of is he gay or is he bi. Fair enough. He has said that he is more-or-less bi. I certainly believe that. We’re at a stage wherein he texts/calls/interacts every three to four months wanting to fuck, suck, etc me [I think he does that whenever his gay side gets going more than his strate side gets going]. Now I am heartened that a bi man in his thirties wants to do the gay stuff in a sort of learning way with me, but I do not necessarily want to be an instructor. And I do not want to be the fall-back position when he decides that he’d really like to be with a man after a bit of time in the wilderness.

But, oh, would I ever like to bury my face onto his cock and pubes and suck away hard and long. And suck his balls into my mouth and pull on them. And have him shoot his load into my mouth and then I automatically swallow it. Not to mention getting my tongue squeezed into ischemia while I try to get it as far up his ass as possible.

And that tongue ischemia thing especially pertains to my SAM from Australia. I thought the tip would fall off.

Actually that last statement pertains to SAM  — my Australian man. And oh, do I miss him.

It’s been since fall 2017 — since which I’ve had a sort-of mental breakdown, and then a low-grade-residual carrying of the torch. I’ve been a good boy. I’ve only contacted him twice (three times?) and then to enquire about his situation when there were serious storms and wild fires in his area. I do hope and pray he is all right and happy.  I dare say that I shall never see or hear from him again. God bless me — I hope that is not the case — but, oh, how I miss him.

Which gets me to the real issue of a 68 year old guy who has some balance/perceptual/mobility issues holding out for a bit of a break — both personally [maybe from Matt or Sam][yeah, I know, that’s a pathetic hope] and in general [my neighbors are great — in reality — I do not know actually what I am hoping for or looking for here].

So we soldier on — traveling in hope.

Go with God.

Joe Kersey

6 May 2020